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Apparently sane

Happy

I had a very productive session with the Counsellor today. ┬áMostly it just confirmed what I already knew and had already worked out; that perhaps you don’t need to have a destination in order to enjoy a journey. And if I’m happy, and enjoying the ride, then what’s the harm?

One thing that I did take away that helped a lot was about the upset I feel about my mum’s “it’s only dressing up” comment. As if dressing up is some kind of worthless, childish, irrelevant thing. But I have long been of the belief that people who have “grown up” have lost something. There is an emptiness in them left by losing their sense of childish fun, which is something I have never done. My philosophy is “Growing older is mandatory but growing up is optional”. So I came away holding onto some wise words the Counsellor said. It was along the lines of “Even if it is dressing up, then so what? What’s wrong with that? It isn’t a negative thing”. I derive great pleasure and vain pride in looking good and dressing well, and if it gives me pleasure then who is anyone else to judge me on that? But, of course, it is way more than ‘just’ dressing up because this is me. I’m a girl and I love being one.

Here’s a few more pics from today.

Apparently sane In your face Independence of the Seas

 

Posted by on 7th September 2013 in Diary, Opinion, Photos, Transgender

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Ma heeed

I’ve got an appointment with a Counsellor who specialises in Gender Identity issues this Saturday. Probably no prizes for guessing who they are since it’s a very small world.

I’m not entirely sure why I made the appointment, to be honest, but it’s mostly to do with the fact that sometimes I wonder why I’m doing all this; the clothes, the make-up, the shoes, the Voice Coaching, the laser hair removal, the everything. My parents are fairly unsupportive of me and my mum told me “it’s all just playing ‘dressing up'”. Although I know she is wrong I suppose the seeds of doubt inevitably take root. Since I made the appointment I have come to realise that I love the clothes and everything so why the hell not, but it’s an awful lot of money that I’ve been spending and I suppose I have to question what my final goal is in all this. Once I have a convincing female voice and a hairless body, then what? What am I going to do with it? The journey is all very fun, but what is the destination? Am I really just playing ‘dressing up’ after all?

I guess it doesn’t help that I have a birthday coming up. Another year older, another year closer to the grave. And, of course, the inevitable musings on what one has achieved and whether the year that has passed has been of any worth. Also I have learned today that a good friend and ex-colleague has recently been found dead, very likely suicide (the title of this post is a dedication to him as it is a little joke we used to share), so I suppose my head (or ‘ma heeed’ as we used to call it) is not in the best place right now.

Ho hum.

 

Posted by on 4th September 2013 in Diary, Opinion, Transgender

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